There are places for humor, philosophy, arts and crafts, and so on. But there’s only one place where all these things can meet in one building: a school.
Among the many things taught there, a few more subjects, like friendships and relationships, are learned by young students themselves. And one thing that can help develop these connections is school jokes.
If you’re new and want to break the ice in conversations both with students and teachers, these jokes about school can surely come in handy. Of course, the jokes must be said at the right time and place to warrant a correct response. While it can be a great joke, an out-of-place one-liner might not get the best reception.
Many schools have their own meme culture, but cracking up students isn’t too strenuous a task. Schoolteachers, however, are a whole different story. But there’s absolutely no better feeling than cracking jokes for school so funny that even teachers can’t help but laugh at them.
So dive into this collection of funny school jokes and get cracking! Make sure to pick your timing right, though, for both students and teachers!
Why did the backpack go to therapy? It had too much baggage from summer.
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What did the calendar say when summer ended? "August was my last good day."
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Why did the notebook feel nervous on day one? Blank pages make everyone anxious.
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What do you call a kid who's excited for the first bell? Rare.
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Why did the lunchbox get a promotion? It carried the whole family through August.
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What's a backpack's least favorite month? August, everything gets heavier.
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Why did the alarm clock dread September? Nobody listens to it in summer.
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What did the school bus say to the driveway? "Miss me?"
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Why do new sneakers squeak on the first day? They're just as nervous as you are.
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What's the loudest sound in August? Parents cheering when school starts again.
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Why did the pencil case get organized? It knew judgment day was coming.
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What do kids and coffee have in common in September? Both need a jolt to function.
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Why did the summer reading list gather dust? It had a very short attention span.
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What did the locker say to the new student? "Relax, I've seen worse combinations."
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Why didn’t the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees.
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Why is the first week of school like a gym membership? Everyone starts strong, then fades by Friday.
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What do you call the night before school starts? The longest short night of the year.
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Why did the schedule get stage fright? Too many periods to remember.
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What's a parent's favorite back-to-school sound? Silence, finally.
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Why did the crayons come out of retirement? Duty called again.
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What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisssssstory.
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What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
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What do you call summer homework? A myth most students believe in loosely.
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Why did the water bottle feel important again? Because recess made it relevant.
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What did the classroom clock say on day one? "Let's take this slow."
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Why did the kid pack extra snacks for back to school? Emotional support carbs.
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What's the real first lesson of the school year? Where the bathroom is.
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Why did the school year start with a sigh? Summer left without saying goodbye.
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Why was the new kid so calm on day one? He didn't know what was coming yet.
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What's the scariest part of the first day? Remembering your locker combination on the spot.
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What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?
In kindergarden.
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Why did the kid eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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Where do surfers go to school?
Boarding school.
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What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?
"Looking sharp!"
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Why was the broom late for school?
He over swept.
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How do the fish get to school?
The octobus!
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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Never mind, this is pointless.
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Why do calculators make great friends?
You can always count on them.
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What did the teacher say about the pizza student?
"There’s mushroom for improvement!"
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What vegetables to librarians like?
Quiet peas.
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What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
"Stop going in circles and get to the point!"
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Why did the student throw her watch out of the school window?
She wanted to see time fly.
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A butterfly’s favorite subject?
MOTHematics.
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What do math students eat on Halloween?
The Pumpkin Pi.
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Why is the obtuse angle always upset?
Because it can never be right.
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Why did the echo get detention the first day?
It kept answering back.
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Why did the boy steal a chair from the classroom?
Because the teacher told him to take a seat.
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How do you make seven even?
Take away the 's'.
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Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
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Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
To stay in shape.
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Why do music teachers do well in a baseball game?
Because they have a perfect pitch.
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When do student astronauts eat?
During LAUNCH time.
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What is the blackboard’s favorite drink?
Hot chalkolate.
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Why do we measure a snake in inches?
Because it does not have feet.
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What’s a frog’s favorite year?
Leap year.
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What’s so difficult about music class?
You have to write down many notes.
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What does an overqualified circle have?
360 degrees.
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Why did the student wear his backpack backward? He was still adjusting to the routine.
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What did the first-day nerves say to the kid? "We're in this together."
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Why do teachers smile so big on the first day? Job security.
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What's the bravest thing a kid does on day one? Eating the mystery cafeteria food.
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Why did the first-day outfit take three hours to pick? First impressions never sleep.
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What do new students and puppies have in common on day one? Both sniff out where the exits are.
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Why was the classroom so quiet on the first morning? Everyone was busy pretending to be confident.
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What did the first-day schedule feel like? A treasure map with no treasure.
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Why did the kid practice his name in the mirror? First impressions matter, apparently.
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright.
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What time would it be if Godzilla came to school?
Time to run!
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Why did the teacher draw on the window?
Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!
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What do elves learn in school?
The elf-a-bet.
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Why did the egg get thrown out of class?
Because he kept telling yolks.
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Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
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What do you need to go to high school?
A ladder.
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Why did the teacher jump into the pool?
He wanted to test the water.
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What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back!
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What did the student say to the teacher after he missed the first day of school?
"No, ma’am. I didn’t miss it at all."
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How does a scientist freshen his breath?
With experi-mints!
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Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?
Times Square!
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Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Because they keep getting lost at C.
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Why did the girl do her homework on an airplane?
To achieve a higher education.
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What school requires you to drop out in order to graduate?
Sky diving school.
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David: "Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?"
Dan: "I don’t know. Why?"
David: "Because it was always sweeping during class!"
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T: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
S: I don’t know. Why?
T: Because you can’t concentrate!
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Teacher: "Why did you eat your homework, Joe?"
Joe: "Because I don’t have a dog."
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Why were the students doing multiplication on the floor?
The teacher asked them not to use tables.
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An English teacher’s favorite breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
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Why did the kid run to school?
Because he was chased by the spelling bee.
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What do you call a square that's been in an accident?
A wrecktangle.
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What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
Lots of blood tests!
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What do they do on the first day of sheep school?
Have a baa-baa-cue.
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Why did the warlock had so much trouble with math?
He never knew WITCH equation to use.
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Why does a music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
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What did the spider make online?
A website.
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What did the bully have for lunch?
A knuckle sandwich.
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What do you call a student with a dictionary in his pocket?
Smartie pants.
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How did the music teacher get locked out of her classroom?
Her keys were on the piano.
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A superhero in a computer class. The screen saver.
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Why do fireflies get bad grades at school?
Because they are not bright enough.
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How do you know that Saturn was married more than once?
Because it has many rings.
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What is a mathematical plant?
The one with square roots.
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What do ducks use for solving problems?
A quackulator!
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Which is the longest table in the math class?
The multiplication table.
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What's the loudest thing on the first day? Silence right before the teacher says "Welcome back."
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Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
The “C.”
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Which building has the most stories?
The library!
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Why did the jellybean go to school?
To become a smartie!
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What does a book do in the winter?
Puts on a jacket.
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What should you grow in a school garden?
Human beans!
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What is the smartest insect?
A spelling bee.
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Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?
It’s not right.
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Why did the bat miss the school bus?
Because he hung around for too long.
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How do you get straight A's?
By using a ruler.
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Stevie: "Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!"
Mom: "That’s great. What in?"
Stevie: "A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling."
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Mike: What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?
Josh: Beats me.
Mike: Pop quizzes!
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Why is history a sweet subject?
Because it has many dates.
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T: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?
S: A delicious fruit salad.
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Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays?
Because everything was marked down!
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What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?
Arithma-sticks.
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What kind of teacher passes gas?
A tutor.
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What kind of math do owls like?
Owlgebra.
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What did the lobster do when the first day of school ended?
It shellabrated.
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What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean?
A title wave.
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What did the buffalo say at school drop-off?
"Bison."
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What room can a student never enter?
A mushroom.
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What flies around the school at night?
An alpha-bat.
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The smartest letters of the alphabet - the Ys (wise).
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Which hand writes well, right or left?
None. A pen or a pencil writes well.
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What's an English teacher's favorite tree?
Poetree.
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Why did the student bring an extra pencil on day one? Trust issues from last year.
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What do first-day jitters and roller coasters have in common? Both end faster than you expect.
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Why did the hallway feel like a maze on day one? Muscle memory takes a summer break too.
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A book never written: “The Best Subject in School”.
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What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A school bus full of elephants!
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What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?
A blackboard.
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Why did the Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.
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Why do the students wear glasses during math class?
To improve their division.
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The reason why English teachers dislike parole - they like complete sentences.
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Which school supply is king of the classroom?
A ruler.
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Why did the dog do so well in school?
Because he was the teacher’s pet.
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Why do magicians do so well in school?
They’re good at trick questions.
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Why isn’t there a clock in the library?
Because it tocks too much.
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Why do math books always look so sad?
They are full of problems.
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Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania.
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Why don’t giraffes go to elementary school?
Because they go to high school.
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Which animal cheats in the exams?
Cheatah.
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What U.S. state has the most math teachers?
Mathachussets.
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A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
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Why was the cafeteria clock behind on the first day?
It kept going back four seconds.
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What did the pen say to the pencil?
"What’s your point?"
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What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
A bookworm.
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What happened when the teacher tied all the kid’s shoelaces together?
They had a big class trip.
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Why did the student bring scissors to school?
Because he wanted to cut class.
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How do bees go to school?
By school buzz.
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Why is beer never served at a math party?
Because you should never drink and derive.
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How much do computers eat for lunch?
A byte.
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More Funny School Jokes
Why did the gym teacher bring a ladder to class? He wanted to raise the bar.
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What's a PE teacher's favorite kind of math? Percentage of effort.
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Why did the art student fail the test? She kept coloring outside the lines of the answer key.
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What do you call a painting that skips school? A truant portrait.
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Why did the recess bell get promoted? It had the loudest voice in the building.
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What's the busiest place at recess? Wherever the teacher isn't looking.
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Why did the school bus break up with the car? It needed more space and forty seats.
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What did the bus driver say to the noisy class? "Seat belts for your mouths too."
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Why did the cafeteria tray file a complaint? It was tired of carrying everyone's problems.
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What's the cafeteria's specialty dish? Mystery, served daily.
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Why did the homework take the day off? It heard the dog was hungry.
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What do you call a group project with one person doing the work? A monologue.
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Why did the group project fall apart? Too many chiefs, not enough Wi-Fi.
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Why did the exam feel nervous? It knew nobody studied for it properly.
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What's a test's favorite season? Fall, right before everyone's grades do too.
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Why did the report card go to the doctor? It had a lot of issues to address.
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What did the report card say to the parent? "Brace yourself."
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Why was the field trip the best day of school? Because it technically wasn't school.
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What do you call a field trip that goes wrong? A permanent record.
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Why did the principal's office get so quiet? Everyone was suddenly on their best behavior.
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What's the scariest sentence in school? "The principal would like to see you."
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Why did the pencil case apply for a raise? It was carrying the whole team.
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What do you call a stapler with ambition? Well-bound for success.
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Why did the laptop go to the school nurse? It had a virus.
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What's a computer class's favorite game? Hide and seek, mostly with the mouse.
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Why did the French class feel awkward? Nobody knew how to say "I forgot my homework" convincingly.
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What do you call a fluent language student? Bilingually blessed.
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Why did the map fail the geography quiz? It couldn't find its way to the right answer.
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Why did the globe get dizzy? Too many revolutions in one day.
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Why did the chemistry class explode with excitement? Someone finally balanced the equation.
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What's a chemistry teacher's favorite drink? Anything with good reactions.
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Why did the substitute teacher bring snacks? Bribery is a valid teaching strategy.
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What do substitute teachers and mysteries have in common? Nobody knows the ending.
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Why did the hall monitor get promoted? Consistent attendance to other people's business.
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What do you call a hallway during class change? Organized chaos with backpacks.
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Why did the health class textbook blush? It covered a lot of sensitive topics.
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What's a nurse's office favorite excuse? "It really does hurt."
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Why did the school clock get therapy? Everyone kept watching it too closely.
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What do you call the last five minutes of class? The longest measurable unit of time.
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Why did the yearbook feel important? It had the final word on everyone.
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What do you call a quiet classroom? A trap, usually.
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Why did the student ace the pop quiz? Pure blind panic and good guessing.
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What's a teacher's favorite kind of joke? Ones that end in detention, apparently.
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Why did the whiteboard marker retire early? It ran out of things to say.
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What do you call the smell of a new school year? Optimism mixed with floor wax.
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