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People Shared 65 “Emergency” Jokes They Use To Save Any Conversation
We’ve all been in plenty of awkward situations where we have nothing to say. Or, even worse, you end up talking a little too much, sharing a little too much information about things that really don’t matter to anyone but yourself, and probably your mom. And let’s be absolutely honest: whatever it is, it’s probably not even that funny.
Amid all these assumptions, there is actually one fact at hand: a joke ready to be launched into the stratosphere will surely lighten the mood and improve the atmosphere at any party (or… a smaller social circle—we’re not about to judge you for that). And so, Bored Panda has gathered quite a selection of funny go-to jokes that people use, all of which are bound to make everyone giggle.
More info: Reddit
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#1
That’s all I yam 4 months ago (edited)
I remember a story where a father and 4-year-old daughter were returning from a pet rescue center with a cat. A neighbor mentioned that he thought they already had a cat. The father informed the neighbor that the local foxes kept ki lling their cats. The neighbor responded ‘So you’re feeding the foxes?’ The daughter started bawling.
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#2
Sandwich Saturdays 4 months ago
I imagine capitalist jokes are only funny if you can dish out enough to hear them 😂
#3
Kathy Dragonfly 4 months ago
And bad rainbows go to prism. It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.
#4
#8
joann fielding 4 months ago
2 cannibals were eating a clown, and one said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
#19
That’s all I yam 4 months ago
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't watching you!
#22
#25
Notveryhotchick 4 months ago
If the opposite of pro is con then what’s the opposite of progress?
#29
UnclePanda 4 months ago
I hope OP excels at this and really drives the point home with power. But we'll C.
#32
#35
#38
Daaaaave's not here, maaan 4 months ago
I don't know, when I see it I'm like "that's a big red flag"
#39
Science Nerd 4 months ago
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees. Have you every found a elephant hiding in a cherry tree?
#42
#43
joann fielding 4 months ago
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.
#46
joann fielding 4 months ago
Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he drank coffee before it was cool.
#48
Loosey Goosey 4 months ago (edited)
Tim Vine won funniest joke from Edinburgh Fringe in 2010 with this. 🤣
#51
nottheactualphoto 4 months ago
The other day, I ran into my ex-wife. Then I put it in reverse and ran into her again.
#54
Andy Sutcliffe 4 months ago
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus, the barman asks if he means a martini. The roman says if I’d wanted a double I’d have ordered it.
#55
Michael Largey 4 months ago
The crows stayed home because whenever a group gathered there was always a m****r.
#58
#60
Daaaaave's not here, maaan 4 months ago
Try that with the wrong person, and you'll see stars 😝
#61
joann fielding 4 months ago
Deer testicles are the cheapest meat you can buy. They're under a buck.
#63
Daaaaave's not here, maaan 4 months ago
I'd say *affect, but I'm not sure that cows do grammar
#64
joann fielding 4 months ago
What have you got when you have 2 small blue b a l l s in your hand? Papa Smurf's full attention!
#65
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What do you think ?
BookFanatic 4 months ago
Did you hear about the little person that got arrested for telling bogus fortunes? He escaped and now he's a small medium at large. :)
Anony Mouse 4 months ago
My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a believer…” 🎶 I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face…
Stephanie L Thesing 4 months ago (edited)
A man crashed his car into an auditorium. He was asked if he was trying to break into show business. He said no, I’m just going through a stage.. 😋
BookFanatic 4 months ago
Did you hear about the little person that got arrested for telling bogus fortunes? He escaped and now he's a small medium at large. :)
Anony Mouse 4 months ago
My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a believer…” 🎶 I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face…
Stephanie L Thesing 4 months ago (edited)
A man crashed his car into an auditorium. He was asked if he was trying to break into show business. He said no, I’m just going through a stage.. 😋
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